It’s Hard to Be a Child
Pediatrics
It’s hard to be a child and harder now than it used to be. There’s a very real epidemic of anxious children. It’s not just that we’re noticing it more, more kids are in counseling or on psychiatric medications or both than ever before. Once upon a time pediatrics was mostly about ear infections, strep throats, and asthma with developmental delays thrown in. It helps to have extended family or a close knit neighborhood but more and more parents are isolated in nuclear families.
It’s easier than ever to fail athletically, academically, and socially and it, unfortunately, matters more than ever. It should not be possible to fail at being your child and that should be enough. Your time and something you enjoy is the greatest gift. Wrestling, reading, turning your cell phone off, long walks, get a pet: it almost doesn’t matter as long as you and your child are enjoying each other and you are not distracted. Academics, sports, being good at music or something else are all well and good but should never get confused with being of worth and loved.
Why are kids so anxious? It’s partly because their parents are anxious, and it’s a more dangerous world. We are all connected to media and we hear and see tragedy and disasters local and far away as they happen. Children are rightly taught about “stranger danger” and drugs and alcohol but what they hear is danger, danger, danger. Turn off the news. Physical touch and presence are much more important to both parents and children.
Standardized testing and the importance of grades has created “A Race To Nowhere” where a “B” or heaven forbid, a “C” is a serious problem about which something or a lot of something must be done. Being declared gifted or in need of special help, true or not, are equally confusing and isolating. Teachers are under as much pressure as their students which makes learning “un-fun”.
The importance of getting into a “good” college and then a good career are felt in junior high and even elementary school. No one plays outside anymore. There are ridiculous amounts of homework most of which teach nothing. There are computer games which teach less than nothing. Virtual friends and the digital world are not real and a place where children are more likely to be bullied and made to feel lousy about themselves.
The best anti-anxiety medication is running around. Now all playground activity is scheduled and supervised and often “graded.” Did you make the Travel team or recreational level.
Medications should never be the first answer but they can often be helpful. Children, unfortunately, sometimes medicate themselves with alcohol and other drugs. The more isolated and anxious a child the more likely it is that alcohol and others will bring a feeling of relief.
Parents are infinitely interruptible and busy, so kids, too, become consumed by cell phones and social media. A casual or unkind word about who likes who can wreck a day or week or a year. Most kids don’t sleep well or enough.
Marijuana is not their friend. Neither is alcohol. They both work and make anxiety better but not for very long and there are much better treatments.
Children have a unique self and voice to discover and cultivate. Reading is the most important thing they learn in school and it fosters writing and independent thought which protects you from fools.
When all else fails, get a dog. They make us better parents and better children. And happier.
