&#@%!! Dog
Creative Writing&#@%!! Dog
Does he bite?
No. &#@%!! Dog is friendly.
What?
I should explain. It’s not his name. I started calling him &#@%!! Dog out of desperation. We got him from a no-kill rescue shelter in Alabama where he was found half dead in a ditch by the side of the road. Generally I don’t use language like that or like people who do but things were going so badly between us I was at the end of my rope. I’d never had a dog before who wouldn’t do at least some of what I wanted. If coming from a ditch in Alabama to a fenced in acre yard in a peaceful town in Massachusetts isn’t winning the lottery what is? I think we expected more gratitude. His online pictures looked a little world weary but very smart. Failed the canine citizenship classes. Shat on the floor during graduation. He tore up everything and ate most of it that gave him diarrhea and throw up. We tried everything. He didn’t eat organic dog food or any other kind, the all meat wet or dry.
Sounds bad?
Worse. Couldn’t even take him out on a leash let alone the dog park or off leash. People, dogs, it was all the same. He’d bite or hump you with nothing in between. He didn’t know how to come.
So what did you do? He seems fine.
He peed and pooped where he wanted, usually a rug, and when he wanted and he looked right through me if I was there as if I wasn’t. We figured he’d had a rough life in Alabama. It started by accident. He somehow got ahold of and was chewing up my credit cards and license.
“Come here &#@%!! Dog” I screamed. His ears perked up.He looked at me like I was there, walked over to me, stood there attentively. It seemed like he was awaiting further instructions. If things had been rough in Alabama maybe he’d heard some rough language.
“Sit &#@%!!”He sat.“Lie down &#@%!!” “Roll over &#@%!!” “Give paw &#@%!!” “Play dead &#@%!!” He knew it all. Good &#@%!! Bad &#@%!! The so-called accidents stopped. He ate dog food. He came when you called. He heeled perfectly off leash, but only if you called him &#@%!!.
Any problems now?
Not really but sometimes when I have to work late and have to leave him alone longer than he’s used to, he seems a little edgy when I get home and I have to say “&#@%!!, &#@%!!, &#@%!!, &#@%!!” over and over until he calms down. No problem.
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