I Demur
Medical Care, PediatricsDemurring is what I do best.
“I need antibiotics, an ambulance, an MRI, my fourteen year old’s brain biopsied, a psychiatrist. I must be the worst mother in the world.”
I demur.
“We actually have a list of the worst mothers in the world. You’re not on it. Two of them were in earlier. I’m glad they’re gone and I’m talking to you instead.”
“When should I panic?”
“Now is good. Three AM is a bad time to panic.”
“But the fever is 105, why aren’t you upset?”
“Actually, I am upset, but part of my job is hiding it well. I’m pretty sure the fever will run 103-105 for the next 4 or 5 days. Then he’ll get an erythematous, centripetal rash.”
“Pretty sure?”
“We could do X-rays and blood tests but I’d still not be more than pretty sure. Pretty sure is good. 100% sure is bad. If a doctor is 100% sure you’re either dead or dealing with a Quack.”
“Why do you use words like erythematous and centripetal?”
“So you’ll calm down and let me move on to the next patient.”
“Did you learn that in Medical School?”
“No.”
The Accountable Care Act (ACA) was perfect?
I demur.
Repealing the ACA, AKA Obamacare, will improve medical care?
I demur.
Letting the Insurers, the Pharmaceutical Industry and politicians fix it will make it better?
I demur and so should you.
Patients want to get better. Doctors and nurses want to help them, Scientists want to figure out the truth about the human condition and diseases. It would be useful if everyone else could step aside and let us do our job. Anything else is way, way, way too expensive, among other things, because it messes with my highly honed ability to demur.
My favorite patient of all time was the one who turned to his mother when I said he needed an X-ray and said, “If Dr. Mark says I need an X-ray, I must really need an X-ray.”
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